Death of a baby

Julie, the American nurse who has been working longterm at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit here in Kibogora District Hospital, sat down in front of the distraught mother. The woman’s husband sat beside hher. One of the nurses stood by, ready to translate. Julie launched into a not-altogether unfamiliar speech. After all, there had been 4 neonatal deaths this month, and it was only mid-February. Julie told the mother that her baby was dying. His breathing had slowed down significantly, the heart rate was very low, the baby was turning blue. “There’s nothing more we can do.”

At first, the mother had no expression on her face. Just a blank look. Julie proceeded to explain to her that her first baby, who had died less than a year ago, had died of a different cause. That baby had died because of extreme prematurity, and this one has some sort of genetic defect. This baby looked syndromic – an odd shape of the cranium, non-symmetric chest, rocker-bottom feet, etc. Hopefully, because the 2 babies died of different causes, history will not repeat itself, and her next baby will be born at term, alive, healthy, thriving.

The mother suddenly burst into tears. The news had finally travelled from her ears and reached her heart. She sobbed uncontrollably. This was the second baby she had lost within the same year. Her husband sat by her, expressionless. He didn’t say a word.

“Would either of you like to hold the baby?” They both said no. Neither of them would even look at the baby. Julie asked if she could pray for the baby. The couple gave their assent. We all took great comfort in her words, words that described happiness, and heaven, and innocence, and hope for the future. Right after the prayer, the couple left the NICU, without even a backward glance, a final embrace, a kiss goodbye, for their dying child.

“That’s the culture here,” Julie told me. “They don’t even look at their child if they know the child is dying. To them, baby is already dead.” One of the American medical students picked up the baby and gently held him. “It’s so sad, someone should hold this baby and comfort him until he passes.” So she held and caressed the baby until he took his last breath.